Survivor

With my husband and I both being raised as only children I feel we were totally unprepared to raise 3 wild monkeys also referred to as our children. Aren’t there parenting classes that should be assigned to new parents on practical things like survival!!

I’m convinced that the next season of Survivor should be filmed in a small house with 3 toddlers. With weeks of blazing heat or snow so that the contestants have to keep the little darlings inside the whole time and “figure” out how to survive!

Strenuous challenges, biting bugs, and lack of sleep are no matches for the ever energetic antics of toddlers. In fact I believe the same “horrors” are a daily part of life as a parent.

Contestants would have to prepare meals for picky children with varying diet needs and desires, manage a laundry pile that resembles a large elephant herd that never decreases, play court jester to a tribe of children ready to throw you to the wolves, and educate the little angels so that they don’t fall behind once the school year begins. Feel free to squeeze some personal time in there as well…my slot is usually somewhere between 2 and 3 in the morning or when I am hiding out in the bathroom.

There would be no medics on site to help relieve the fatigue or act as a distraction. There are no opportunities to form alliances outside of your significant other since the natives will outnumber you 3 to 1. And of course any hope of being voted off the island is a mere 18 years away.

Yes, this would be a true version of Survivor. I know every parent in America would tune in just to laugh hysterically at the contestants and the daily “game” that is parenthood or at least be glad they weren’t involved….

Behind the Shower Curtain

I’ve seen horror movies where the washer is bathing in the shower blissfully unaware of the danger that lurks right on the other side of the shower curtain. Little did I know that the danger in my house would come in size 2T clothes. 

Imagine standing in the shower scrubbing away and you suddenly get that creepy feeling as if someone is watching you. You quickly rinse the soap out of your eyes and do the slow turn that they love to emphasize in the movies.

Peering around the edge of the curtain at the back of the tub are two little eyes…. A small yelp and little jump later and you are willing your heartbeat to return to a normal pace. Then the fateful words emerge…”mommy, your butt is big!”

Little giggles escort your pride quickly down the drain. The warm water is a big help in clearing the tears shed for your lost figure and pride. No, the horror behind the shower curtain isn’t a deranged killer, a terrifying ghost, or a bone-chilling encounter; it is the innocent words of a child that has no idea that your self-esteem has just been shattered into a million pieces and all without the help of the malicious scale…this time.

An Introduction

That's me...I'm the mom taking a "time out" in the bathroom. With three small children ages 2, 3, and 4-years-old the only safe place is the bathroom these days and even that isn't guaranteed as sacred. Don't get me wrong...I adore my children and wouldn't trade them for the world but I do have moments where I really wish Calgon could take me away.

If you have small children you may understand this frame of mind. If you don't yet have children of your own you can sympathize or at least get a cheap giggle out of my plights. Children are a gift and they are funny, cute, cuddly, and a disaster zone waiting to happen. It's similar to looking in the window at a pet store and wanting to rescue the cute little puppy you see joyfully romping around the play area. You take them home ready for a life time of cuddles and reciprocated love only to find that Fido should be guarding the pits of Hades!

Moms everywhere have funny, embarrassing, and shocking stories to tell of robbed privacy, gray hairs, and little darlings that have tarnished or all together lost their little halos....