Minty Clean

Despite the Legos on the floor and the race cars under the couch cushions I’m all for having a clean house. I think it is great to have a deep cleaning from time to time. Get the cobwebs out of the corners, the dust bunnies off bed frames, but until recently I never thought about sink drains.

I try to be a good mom and teach my little ones the value of being healthy, making new friends, and being tidy. I was however, unprepared for my youngest son to take house cleaning so seriously. I was in the middle of cooking lunch, writing a paper for school, and keeping tabs on my youngest children running around the house. As I was busy constructing a meal my little ones would actually eat completely I heard those fateful words, “oooo you are in trouble, MOM!”

As a parent you never really want to hear those words not because you have to give yet another lesson on tattling but because if it is bad enough that the other sibling is not joining in then it has to be really destructive. As I turned off the stove and quickly turned the corner into the hallway I see my middle son standing there and pointing into the bathroom.

With visions of plungers and clogged drains dancing in my head I see my baby proudly scrubbing the sink drain with my toothbrush. He was being so meticulous and wanted to get everything cleaned all the way down so he had put all five of the family toothbrushes down the drain. How do you chastise a two-year-old for helping you clean?

I did what any mother would do, I patted his little head thanked him for helping, told him never to touch the toothbrushes without mommy again and proceeded to call my husband to tell him about his lunchtime plumbing activity for the day.

Good thing Wal-Mart was having a sale on toothbrushes…

Sparkly Dinner Dates

There are telling signs of parents with little children. You see the dazed look as they wander through the grocery store. You notice the dark circles under the eyes from lack of sleep. There are more wrinkles not just in the clothes but on faces as well. Amid the various kid friendly items of toys, cereals, and juice boxes are recovery items like energy drinks, stain removers, and hair dye.

What is the biggest sign of parents with young children you ask? It is showing up for a special occasion dinner with a glittery goat sticker still firmly attached to the belly area of your shirt. You are unaware of any abnormalities but you see the unusual looks other guests are giving you, the disapproving smirk of the hostess, but it isn’t until another parent chuckling points out your creative styling choice for the evening that you realize your children have stamped you like a cattle brand before leaving the house.

Isn’t it bad enough that you are cutting everyone’s meat into bite size chunks? Or that your natural conversation seems to dwell on the fashion statements of fuzzy monsters on Sesame Street. Is it that unrealistic to hope that you can disguise yourself as an ordinary adult with no children just for one evening?

The truth is you will always be able to pick out the parents of young children in a crowd. They may be a little more wrinkled, a little more tired, and a little less fashion forward but they are the ones with a distinctive glow because they have a special corsage for their date night that happens to be in the form of a sparkly goat sticker.

Fixing Mommy

As parents we all have bad days. We raise our voices or lose our cool. We don’t play as much as we should or focus on the little details instead of the big picture. In the end we try to find the best path to raise productive, caring, little versions of ourselves and hope the next generation can do a better job.

Lately, I’ve had a run of poor luck with health issues, back surgeries, tonsillectomies, and now a broken ankle. Apparently, my children have had enough. I’ve been threatened with being put into a large hamster ball to keep me “safe” and now my children are taking matters into their own tiny hands.

I was approached with the sentiment that they were going to “fix” me. Now I have heard of machines being fixed and relationships being fixed but the image that scrambled into my brain happed to be of animals being “fixed”. Not what you want to be thinking when your preschooler is eyeing you with a stethoscope in one hand and a plastic fork in the other.

Now, I used to play pretend doctor when I was a kid. I nursed teddy bears back to health, gave my mother wellness check-ups, I even dissected lizards with a friend when I was older. However, my children take it to a whole other level. The evil laughs and plastic wares were brought in as they consulted one another about which appendage was going to be cut off. The pinnacle point of the appointment was when my middle child told me not to worry he was going to put my brain back in. I’m so relieved about that one; I had been missing my brain…I hate when it strays away.

I was dismissed with an alligator sticker and a kiss and told to get better or I wasn’t going to get a sucker. The joys and scary predictions of what our children will grow up to be now keeps me awake a little longer at night.

Potty Crashing

Most parents of small children understand the phenomenon that is lack of sleep. We wearily fall out of bed in the wee hours of dawn to provide waffles, cereal, and milk to our demanding hordes. We iron clothes (or steam them in the bathroom vapors) so our little ones appear neat and tidy despite the toothpaste leftovers in the corners of their mouths. We wrestle groggy and fussy natives out of footie jammies and into school uniforms. Mostly healthy lunches are packed in the hopes that we are teaching them the value of healthy living when all we really want to do is toss in a Snickers and call it a day.

We rub the sleep from our eyes, slick our fuzzy hair into a ponytail, and pull on whatever happens to be lying around that resembles something clean so that we can drive them across town and walk them to their classrooms. But the day isn’t over there. There is laundry, dishes, toys to organize, and a house to prepare for the after school assault.

So where does a mom find a little peace and quiet? Apparently, mine is found in the bathroom. Not just hiding behind a random shower curtain but while using the facilities. That’s right; I fell asleep while using the restroom…now that is tired!

I awoke quite startled and with a bathroom sink impression firmly planted on my forehead. Perhaps this is a "wake-up" call to get more sleep. Maybe I shouldn't worry about the dust bunnies under my bed plotting my demise...I'll count sheep instead.